Did you know that gullible people aren’t allowed on the internet anymore?

Ok, that’s not true. But if you believed that, please switch off now. Then jump on your computer and throw your router into the sea. Because frankly, the internet is no place for gullible or desperate people.

And if there’s one time in life when you’re desperate, it’s as a teenager. We all know that because a) we’ve been there and b) we can see how advertisements manipulate them. Take anti-acne creams, face washes and treatments. Teenagers will do anything to try to counteract the effects of being a raging ball of hormones.

They’ll also do anything to hide their lovebites from mum, if the internet is to be believed. Just one website includes the following remedies to get rid of a lovebite:

• Rub cream cheese  into it.
• Apply toothpaste and toilet roll.
• Stick banana peel to it with a band-aid.
• Make a tea with avocado skin and seed (is this even possible?).
• Apply lemon juice with a comb.

So here’s our top tip: if you don’t want to come down in the middle of the night to find your teenage daughter rubbing cream cheese into her neck, provide her with some witch hazel, which was widely used for medicinal purposes by American Indians and can be used to treat sores, bruises and swelling.

Medicinal witch hazel is made from the plant of the same name. It’s possible to make your own witch hazel tonic by pruning half a kilogram of flowering witch hazel twigs, stripping them of their leaves and flowers, adding to water and simmering for 12 hours. (Having said that, cutting half a kilogram of flowering twigs from your plant does rather ruin the lovely impact its perfumed yellow flowers have on a winter garden).

Disclaimer: Witch hazel is not only used for getting rid of bruises like love bites – it also has applications in fighting acne, preventing sweating, and as a remedy for aftershave applications. 99roots takes no responsibility if its application causes some teenagers to completely disappear.