Jess and Tess are in the coffee shop, gossiping.

Jess: I’ve split up with Ted

Tess: What? The engagement is off? Why?

J: Well, he sent me [drops voice] real flowers.

T: What? No! What kind of man would do that?

J: I know! I mean, I could have allergies… hay fever… anything. He could have killed me.

T: DO you have allergies?

J: No. But that’s not the point. He didn’t know that. And it just displays such a lack of responsibility. He might as well say ‘I don’t care about our future finances. I’ll just throw money away.’ If those were fake flowers, they’d have lasted forever. He’d never have had to buy me them again. But NOOOOOOOOO. He buys real flowers. Flowers that will die and need to be replaced by more real flowers. Costing more real money.

T: Is he hard up?

J: No. He’s a consultant. But that’s not the point. That money could have been spent on our future children. And besides, how was he to know that the flowers would even arrive in good condition? If the flowers were fake, he would have known they would arrive looking perfect. But with real flowers, they could have arrived in any state.

T: What state were they in?

J: They looked great. But he couldn’t predict that. And anyway, does he think that I have nothing better to do with my time than to deadhead and replace the water? Real flowers require maintenance.

T: How is the job hunt going by the way?

J: Terrible. I just can’t find work. He said that’s why he bought me the flowers. To cheer me up. Instead, I now have no job AND no man. He’s ruined EVERYTHING.

T: You’re better off without him.

J: I know. I need to find myself a real man. A real man who knows how to treat a girl. A real man who buys me hypoallergenic, low maintenance, cost-effective artificial plants.

Image source:  Ryan Gessner (some rights reserved)