Admittedly, that’s because there is nobody around me. Because I’m sad and lonely and on my own again. THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF. But even for couples, it’s a bizarre concept. If you really love someone, then you can show it in many ways other than going out for an overpriced meal and by killing some plants. Cut flowers are lovely, but are they really a sign of romance? “I wanted to show you I loved you so I killed these 12 red roses. They’ll now wilt away and die.”

Much more representative of a blossoming relationship would be to buy a living plant. How about edelweiss, the symbol of purity? A lechuza plant watering system to make sure that the plant lasts as long as your relationship (or outlives it, as a constant reminder of yet another failure)? Or a Krumpholz trowel-bottle opener as a reminder that successful relationships require work (and sometimes, alcohol)?

But frankly, relationships get a disproportionate amount of attention on Valentine’s Day. Yes, St Valentine is the patron saint of love and marriage. But he’s also the patron saint of plenty of other things, like the plague and beekeepers. If you’ve got the plague then… well, really sorry. Happy Valentine’s Day to you. Gosh, this is a bit awkward.

Let’s move swiftly onto bees! They’re lovely little chaps who pollinate your garden – so why not take this Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to look into beekeeping? If that’s one step too far, consider planting some bee-friendly zinnias. If you’re already a beekeeper, then make yourself some toast and honey, sit back and relax; this is your day. Happy Valentine’s.

Image Source: Danka Peter